A few words from M2....

Fisk came out to the Love Shack sunday afternoon. I sold him the Tama drumset with a bunch of hardware and cymbals. He'll have a nice setup for the studio. I've got my eye on a Gretsch bebop jazz kit..nice and compact. I'll have to replace most of my hardware too..and cases..to get it to fit in the new Focus..yikes. I've been talking about downsizing for quite some time. Junking the '85 Cutlass, and the lull in my musical life, have allowed me to follow through. I played a Church gig sunday morning in Waukesha with the remnants of my old "praise band" Joyfull Noise. They recently lost their drummer to the pits of alcohol. It was kinda fun and kinda dullsville..not at all like a gig at the H.O.G.. As time away from Soul Amp marches on, I see more clearly the issues that led to our breakdown, and more clearly the need for us to mend our pain. The morphing of the "modern rock trio" into whatever Soul Amp was becoming was the first trigger in my separation. That coupled with my "id" driven desire to gig, and my increasing aversion to studio work to increase my mind funk. Then Fisk bowed out..at least temporarily. That was the nail in the coffin. Brad and I had discussed the possibility of slugging on, doing a different style of music. It sounded good at the time. What a tag team that would have been. Then I kinda freaked. I made some comments about hating studio work, and that alt rock was for gorgeous 20 somethings 'cause nobody gives a rip about us 40 somethings..regardless of talent. Those comments weren't taken well. I don't know where the remainder of my musical career will be spent, but I hope with all my psychotic being that Soul Amp, whatever it is, will someday be healed...M2

Soul Amp is pushing up a field of tulips...that's not negative.
Pushing Tulips 5.5 mb mp3

Negativity killed the band....

The creativity was killed by the negativity.

Soul Amp became Soul Crusher (good name for another band, eh?).

To jam and hang out was an attempt to start the healing. It wasn't taken that way.

The love of the members should've been much greater than the product being produced.

Success should have been defined as the joy of making music together. Making music that made us feel alive and part of something.

Success in monetary terms or reviews or number of discs produced can kill creativity and love.

Success can be monetary as a side effect of great music produced from love and hard work and respect for each others gifts.

Goals are part of the process and we had those and were working on achieving them. But goals that we have no control over are crushers when they are not met.

Soul Amp was not a band of session musicians.

I do not know where the future of Soul Amp lies. But I do know that negativity will not resuscitate it, because that is exactly the thing that killed it.

Soul Amp was eating me up and shouldn't have. It used to make me very happy. But the last 6 months have been painful.

It was something very special. Allow it to sleep for a while and rest.

Brad be pissed off for now... but I hope you let it go someday. I know that both M2 and I still care about you.

Soul Amp's Epitaph

Yeah...I was wrong again...Soul Amp IS dead. Quivering slightly but terminal....I don't think there is going to be any glorious resurrection...

M2 quit. M1 was thinking about quitting and wants to write alone for a while. I was tossing around getting another singer on board and to start work on the next disk...we got a nice space to work in now...and a methodology that seems productive...and high quality but water under the bridge now...

As we were sitting at "bean scene" the other day. M1 asked..."So should we get together and jam next week." There was also talk of jamming at some parties, or other impromptu affairs...all of which had no real appeal to me at the time.

So when the question came up....I just sat silent. We had a nice time socializing up until that point.

Right at that point I had zero desire to play. And all the recent whining from us all about singing, "just rocking" and just "just letting the music happen" all rolled off my back like a big gob of spit and splatted on the floor. I felt no desire to clean it up.

No goal, no purpose = no desire. I'd rather invest my musical capital on something that has a goal and a purpose. I might be "scattered Brad" but I am not "pointless" Brad.

I'm listening to Strip Mall Heaven right now and frankly you don't make something like that "just rocking". "Just rocking" is an illusion pushed on fans by musicians. They purposely make it look easy through a lot of hard work. Even if that work is fun...we made our last show "just rock" and we rehearsed it so....we practiced it and we fucking rocked it.

Another point is that even the most creative musical genius worked at making the music sound to what they envisioned...even the most obnoxious crass punk band worked at making their disk or show sound just as they wanted...they argued and negotiated about that sound.

Effort, soul and desire, that is a lot to ask.....but remove any one and it falls apart.

That is why Soul Amp is where it is now....in the dust bin. I'm pissed off...and ready to move on...to the next musical whatever. Start over and do it again...

I need to remember the emotional investments required in getting from musical "point A" to musical "point B" and beyond are costly.

I can't make people cross those lines too many times....No point in it if they aren't putting in all three requirements.

Thanks to those who enjoyed our music. I know there are a few out there.

Peace

Brad O.

"...news of my death is premature..."

So it seems....

An emotional unstable bunch musicians are.